Women and Brick Walls....

Throughout my life, I guess ever since high school, particularly junior year I believe, my interest for women grew dramatically. I was approached by women in the past but I never wanted to have anything to do with them. Didn't really know the true reason. I was into sports, had a job, just liked hanging out when I can. I really wanted one girl around that time, and she gave me no play. (For those who read the blog on consistent basis know who I'm talkin about) I didn't want to go on prom but I did. I didn't want to be in relationships but I was. So I ask myself, where I'm going with this? Well let's see.....


I usually have a lot of women approach me, wanting to get to know me, get to feel me out, or whatever reason. Now in the past, I had a few relationships in where I was completely fucked over. I did what it took to make the relationship work. I did things from the heart because I cared for that one. Things that men wouldn't do, I did. Those things were not appreciated as I always wondered about what did I have to do to get women appreciate me. Like today, back then I didn't care about things like materials, or the distance between us, or having to be model-like. I was simple. I showed attention. I had feelings. I showed different sides of me.


When I wasn't appreciated, pushed to the side for someone else or something, I just turned away and focused on myself. For the most part, that has worked. Yeah right!!! I got to a point a few years back that I told myself that I wasn't going to take this shit anymore. I didn't know if it was the women I was dealing with or if it was me. I came to the conclusion of it being a combination of the two. I know that the women that gave me a hard time didn't deserve what I had to offer but at the same time I needed to change the way I look at things. I needed to find something in me that I didn't have before. Something that will help me deal with this conspiracy that I have with women. Something that will help me to overcome my depression over women.


Then in the year 2000, I dug deep into myself and I found what I was looking for....

A Brick Wall....

Yes, a brick wall...


When discovering the brick wall in 2000, things started to change, I started to change, the world that I knew started to change. It didn't take me long to build this wall, but I did take my time with it because I wanted the wall to be right. When I finished this brick wall and it came out and I felt......GOOD! I use this brick wall to get through tough times. In dealing with school, losses of good people, life, the world, the brick wall helped me to see everything from many perspectives. I was now more confident than I have ever been. My self-esteem was out the roof. I had developed a bold trait to my personality that I didn't know I had. Other things such as more people friendly, more outspoken, etc.. This brick wall stood on me and blocked all that had almost caused me to go into depression on multiple occasions. Now I had this brick wall that I am so proud of. I did know and still to this day know that this brick wall will be tested. This plain wall needed some color, some sting to it. That's where the women come into play...


What does women have to do with the brick wall?

I will GLADLY explain...


With the brick wall in tact, I was able to see women in different angles that they come in. I had fun with it. I was able to put color on my wall and paint pictures, you know, be a little artistic with it. I was living, breathin' air, and go with the flow. But the wall also showed me to other angles of myself as I explained before. I no longer did the things I did before for women, my attitude for women had changed. I didn't take no bullshit from them, and that still applies to this day. No longer letting them close to me? Well I wouldn't say that but some were disappointed in my changes. Some didn't understand me anymore, they wanted the "old" me back. I told them to keep wanting. I met a lot of women while I painting my wall. Some I still talk to, some I don't. I know I'm not perfect. I have flaws. Some have put my flaws against me and I would feel bad. With this colorful brick wall, I didn't give a fuck what a woman said about me. The wall taught me that if they can't accept me for who I am, they they can kiss my ass. Most of my guys from time to time, would notice several things and confront me. You know things like, "Man, you got to ease up on the girls son!" or "Why do you talk to them like that?" I personally thought it was funny. I'm a grown ass man. This is how I come off. Tough fuckin luck.


I asked myself, "Will I ever break this wall?" That is a question that not only I want to know but many others that know me. To answer that question, I thought a while back that it will eventually come down. After second, third, fourth thoughts, I realized that this brick wall, that I have put so much into will never come down. Here's why. If I break this wall, I will doing something that I will regret later. I will be settling. I don't want to do that. Months back, I had a woman that wanted to put her art on the wall. Women are artists as well. She was a good artist. She had many ideas and many colors. I was even feelin her paintbrush. Her strokes with her brush were so smooth and elegant. ( Wax On,Wax Off) Her pictures were tasteful and delightful. In so many pictures, I was able to grasp the moral, the idea, the purpose of each of her paintings. Then she didn't want to paint my brick wall anymore. The ideas stopped, she no longer was waving that paintbrush. Was it time for the brick wall to come down? No! I just let the colors faded away and the paintings that stood out, I just painted over them. Even though she was gone and learning so much from the brick wall, I decided to leave one painting up to remind me of her. Will she ever come back to the wall? I don't know. Should I care? I don't know.


A year back, I had this particular sista who wanted to see my brick wall. I may be mean at times but I let her see it. She wanted to paint on it. I mean come on, it is very difficult for women to not want to paint on my brick wall. She started to paint. Her pics had potential. I could see the talent in her. Her colors were very bright and shiny. Her paintbrush technique could have used a little tampering but unlike the woman in the previous paragraph, she was freestyle, so I didn't mind. Then I started to paint. Problems now started to occur. She didn't like my paintings. She didn't like my colors. Instead of asking me to paint over my art, she wanted me to tear the wall down. She wanted her paintings or no paintings at all. I was not about to allow this. So I threw paint on her and asked her run as far away from the wall as she could. She did. She came back a few months ago, but it wasn't to paint. She wanted to look at my wall, she missed the wall. She now appreciates the art, even though her shit is no longer on there, but I did save one of her masterpieces as it reminded me of snow falling in the summertime.


I even had women that I didn't want to be on my wall, try to get on. One woman sticks out in particular. She wanted every part of my brick wall ever since her first glance of me. At first I didn't want her to display her talent. I was working on a very good piece, but she was good. She used colors that I have never seen before. Her pieces stood out. At first I couldn't relate to what she was doing. So I kept her on the wall and she still is. I wanted to understand the purpose of each piece she did, the purpose of each color she used, why she held the paintbrush the way she did. I was able to expand my art and that made me feel good. I don't know if I will ever let her sit on top of the brick wall but she can carve her intials in the wall.


Today the brick wall stands tall and colorful. Whenever in the mood, I take time out and just paint. I don't worry about searching for women to come and paint on my wall. Besides, like they say:


"If you build it, they will come!"


Drink of the Day...


Harvey Wallbanger...


Build in a highball glass...

Place first 2 oz. of Vodka...

Then fill with Orange Juice...

Top with 1/2 oz. of Galliano...

Garnish with cherry and flag (if desired)...



-Da Original 1-