Basketball,Women,Alcohol, and Life....Part II.....

The Madness is gettin' to me...


I lost a Final Four team in Wake Forest, losing to West Virginia 111-105 in double overtime on Saturday. To see Chris Paul foul out, I suddenly knew it was over. North Carolina took care of business and that's all that matters. I am currently 2 points behind the leader in our pool, so I'm right there. Bron-Bron scored 56 points in a losing effort and then their coach was fired. So shocking that was, never saw it coming. Lakers lose fifth straight game and it doesn't look good for the playoffs.


Frustration forms into isolation and.....


Question of the day is:

What you don't know won't hurt you, but if you do know, will it hurt you?

I'm gonna need a CD for this one. *Picks Peven Everett,"Studio Confessions"* I do not know the answer to this question. I have won the war with Mr. Flu, but I still feel kinda down. The flu took a lot out of me, like other people and things have in the past, but I have recovered. Recovery for my next battle will be very tough. When the pain hits ya, you tend to go crazy, to seek revenge or justice. I try not to do that. You expect things to go one way, then they usually go another way. I hear people tell me almost everyday, you are so lucky, you are so fortunate, that I has been blessed in a way that separates me from the rest. Well shit I know that, but there is a problem that I have here. Kinda hard to put this into words but I'll try. I am afraid. I am afraid of myself. With the things that are frustrating to me, I am afraid that I will act upon it and do something that I have no business doing, and it will result into a negative turnout. I have done things in the past that I regret doing and have paid the price for it, but I have done a good job of handling and controlling my emotions. Sometimes though, certain THINGS and certain PEOPLE like to test me from time. As a result, I tend to isolate myself from these things and people. The isolation has helped me and also hurt me, but for me it's the best thing to do. If I decide to explain my problems to people, they will not understand me, then I tend to tune them out, they have not been in my shoes, they can't pave my path to wherever the fuck I am trying to go. I have found out some things over the weekend that I wished that I didn't know. I don't know what I am capable of doing right now. I have given my all to some people and certain things and have been slapped in the face, resulting in a change in my personality, a change in how I go about issues when it comes to certain people and things. The isolation also helps me to not hurt people, but then again, it still happens, but at the point of my frustation, who fuckin cares what they think or feel. People pretend to care about my situation and seem so concerned, that's crazy. It's not there situation, and they tend to leave it alone, but when something happens to them, I am the first person to come runnin by their side. I feel that I should not put everything out there ANYMORE. I get to a point to as why should I care anymore. It will not stop me from accomplishing my goals in 2005 because I will get it done. I just need to straighten some things out. Thank God for the Vegas trip on the 31st. I will be able to get away from the things and the people that fuckin irritate me. I won't be able to hide from everything and everyone because I have issues with some of the people that I'm going with, but I will make an attempt to have fun. I don't know if my isolation is going to be comin soon, but I can hear the footsteps.


What else here?....


Oh yeah, women. As stated before, I now feel like a jackass to turn down those dates. I wasn't thinking when I did. I was wrong. I have told people that dates are more that just trying to find someone. I wasn't thinking of that. I was focused in on one person. I now know not to do that. Your options should ALWAYS be open regardless of any situation. You should ALWAYS have a Plan B to backup Plan A. Like Eric R. puts it, some women don't really know my song. I have been second fiddle, third fiddle. I have been turned down for someone else. I have been told that I'm too good to be with some women. It hurts to not have that special one that can lift you up with their smile when you're down, someone who will go through thick and thin with you, to have a special one that you can do numerous things with in contrast with enjoying life. Now I know that some people read this in shock. It's shocking still to me to a certain degree. Even though not being able to be with the woman that I want to be with hurts, but there is nothing that I can do. If I could turn back the hands of time and do things over I would. I pretended that everything was fine and it's not. I blame no one but myself again. I knew how things were to play out and I wasn't prepared for it. I was stood up last weekend by a friend that I use to mess around with. I no longer mess with her on that level, but she just wanted to hang out and I did too. I didn't get no phone call or no text message from this woman, five days pass, I text her to tell her how bogus she was. Get this: She said she texted me that she was going to be late(I keep a history of my text message,in and out, didn't get one from her. She said that I stood her up. I was home waiting. Why she did call? Lawd knows why she didn't call. I said it's cool. I said to myself that I will not no longer associate myself with this woman. It's her loss, she lost a very good friend in me. Back to the topic at hand, the woman situation is just one of the many situations that I am going through. I can sit here and write about all my situations but why should I?

I am tired of trying to make things work. I am tired of putting my all into being with a woman just to get disappointed in the end. I am tired of not only women, but people in general. I am tired of being by people's side when something happens and not getting the same in return when something happens to me. I am tired of caring when I do or if I don't have to. I know people will say you need GOD or you need help. You don't know what I fuckin need, so don't bother. I am tired of everything. But I will live on, until I get tired of that.


Drink of the Day....


Smurf Piss...

1/2 oz. Rum
1/2 oz. Curacao
1/2 oz. Black raspberry
2 oz. Sweet & sour
Blend & Strain
Fill with 7-Up

Garnish: Flag( orange slice,cherry,etc..)


-Da Original 1-