My Un-Organized Confusion...

Well as expected, I did a post yesterday. As expected, I was prepared for feedback. I received four phone calls from friends who read my post yesterday. They all didn't understand the post I wrote. Not one of them alerted me of the word that I wanted to hear, but I had one friend that I spoke with (thru IM), to tell me that my post was the most CONFUSING post that she has ever read. That was the word I wanted to hear. CONFUSE. I wrote that post that way for it to be confusing. Now for the people that didn't understand the post, I am here to explain it.


My battles in dealing with patience and impatience is one of few issues that makes things in my life confusing. Things I have written to or for people, has been confusing to them. They have try to figure out what do I mean by what I write. They don't understand the point I'm tryin to get across. They don't try to read in between the lines. Instead, people take the easy way out and just say, "Oh, you're just weird!" or "Yeah, you just crazy!" They try to avoid getting confused by the means of me. Now this also confuses me for the simple fact that sometimes I like for people to see my writing and understand it. I don't write as much as I used to but even back then, my writing still confuses people. That was a big reason of why I stop writing for a while, it played a part in it, but does this make me a CONFUSED PERSON?


Confuse is defined as to bring to ruin; to make embarrassed; to disturb in mind or purpose. Am I a confused person? Well I write posts, letters, and sometimes poetry that can be confusing. I sometimes have a hard time putting my feelings into different forms on paper. It's not that I am slow or anything, but I have so many thoughts that run through my mind all the time it makes it very difficult for me to gather all my thoughts together and exert them out the way that I want them to come out. My intentions is not to confuse, but to express. It is not to ruin, but to create. I usually don't mean any harm with this, but it gets often misunderstood and confusing to most people.


Some of my actions can be confusing to people as well. I am the type of person now that expresses whatever is on my mind. I didn't use to be this way. For example, I would go on dates and it wouldn't seem like a date. Now I know you're wondering what does that have to do with confusion? On some dates, I would confuse my date and also myself. The objective of the date is to get to know the other person, to be yourself, to have fun. This objective sometimes gets confusing for me. When I start to describe myself to someone, I sometimes confuse the person about myself. I don't do this intentionally, but it does happen. I would make a lot of gestures, a lot of outspoken comments. That's the type of person that I am, but the other person doesn't know this. So they would get the wrong impression of me, and come up with own thesis about me. I understand if a person doesn't want to hang out with me, but at least see me for who I am before you make that decision,and not to call me confusing.


There are other things that links myself and confusion together. Things such as my career, relationships with friends and family, my goals, etc. I know a person has a right to change his or her mind about their career options, but it doesn't make that person confused about it. Some people beg to differ, but everyone is entitled to their own opinion. I just feel undecided about my career, but not confused. My friends and family, most of them, takes the easy road and say I'm just confused, or crazy. They say that I am different from most people that they know. Am I supposed to be just like everyone else? When all my friends on one night want to hit da club and I'm the one who objects to that because I'm not into da club scene anymore, that doesn't make me confused. They believe different. When I can't make a decision on something as fast as the next person can, that's doesn't make me confused. When I change my goals, does that make me confused?


I deal with the confusion status almost everyday, whether it involves someone else or just myself. The post that I wrote yesterday, I know that was confusing, but I was also making a point as well. Nobody saw it. I undertstand why as well. I wanted to say more than what I wrote yesterday, but the post would have been much longer and no one would have read it. (Be honest) So I tried to cram it all together and make it short, but I made it confusing when I did that. It wasn't really confusing to me because I knew what I was saying, but others didn't feel the same way. It doesn't bother me when someone tells me that I'm different, or weird, or crazy. I would like for someone to pull up a chair, open up my brain, and dissect the many ideas, thoughts, and issues that swim freely on the inside. Try to organize them, and put them into sections for me. Now is that too CONFUSING for someone to do?


-Da Original 1-